Dear Rome,

Dear Rome,

My experience of you is as follows:

1) You have a lot of falling down buildings. Clean up your act - a bit of timber, plaster and nails will go a long way.

2) Traffic laws hardly exist. I was playing 'chicken' with traffic and didn't even know it.

3) I felt bad taking a wee at The Vatican. Nonetheless, I thought my atheist wee might eat away those holy loos.

4) Tourists should keep their farts to themselves at the Sistine Chapel.

5) When people are wearing green stickers while listening to a tour guide, they have paid for said tour. Strategically placing your hand over the general location of said green sticker only makes you look like a cheap, thieving tourist, Chunky Munky.

6) I'm sorry I was a bit rude to that group of Americans. I just found it quite sad that the leader of your church, the physical embodiment of Christ on earth, denounced the Iraq war and you didn't listen to him. You paid more attention to a halfwit who resembles a monkey. And not even a nice monkey - like my lovely cute monkey brethern. If I were religious, I think I'd choose to follow somebody who was chosen by God than somebody who was chosen by that corrupt lot in Florida. But that's just me. And when the Pope lit a candle for peace, your scowls screamed your unnerving hypocrisy. You scared me, and thus I was mean to you.

7) I had the best meal of my entire life. There were 7 courses and each one contained lobster. My Jewish husband nearly imploded with the religious consequences of eating shellfish near The Vatican.

8) The hotel experience deserves a post of its very extra special own.

Love,
Munky

P.S. Rome was actually quite ace.