Dear Mr Young Buck

Thank you for (allegedly) going bonkers with a knife at this week’s Vibe Awards. It was quite exciting, and awards ceremonies like this need to be glitzed up a bit by the occassional bit of eeeerk-ness! When you get released from prison (alleged, blah, blah), could you please go on to stab whoever decided that the Number 29 bus should never stop along Camden Road in the mornings, whoever is responsible for my having a big, swollen spot / zit (delete according to your nationality) on my nose and Geri Halliwell, who was fucking rude to my friend this week. Thank you.

PS: could you stab 50 Cent as well, please? I know he’s your homie and everything, but he upsets my ears. And he won’t mind being stabbed because he’s dead hard and stuff, and it will help him sell more records anyway. In fact, stab him in 11 places including through his mouth. Stab him in the exact same places where he was shot. Or not shot, depending on your belief in the machine we like to call hype. Think of it as a join-the-dots painting or something.

Ta!

Love,

Munky xx